I Know I am Small, But I am Quite Grown Up...

I am often reminded -- by strangers and friends alike -- how small I am, and how young I look. 

Two and a half years ago, when I visited Emily Dickinson's Homestead in Amherst, Massachussetts during a week-long writing retreat, the tour guide at the homestead singled me out to illustrate to the rest of the tourists, how tall -- or more accurately -- how small Emily Dickinson really was, standing under 5 feet, and fitting into a child's size lace housedress that she wore daily until her death at age 56.     

More recently, upon my return from England two months ago, I visited two doctors in one day -- visits that left me feeling quite "otherworldly" when they were through, half because of what was taken from me during the first appointment, and half because of what was said to me during the second, as I reflect in my Facebook status later that evening:

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This morning, I felt Edward Cullen's presence as the doctor took 6 viles of my blood for tests...and then felt Frodo Baggin's presence when, a couple hours later, another doctor told me, "Your just tiny all over!" What world am I in, praytell?

Immediately picking up on my Frodo Baggin's reference, a friend commented on my status:

You're not a hobbit trust me..You must be a fairy princess :-)

I replied:

...Just like in the John Keats movie BRIGHT STAR, when Fanny Brawne (small girl that she was) tells Keats about the Fairy Princess engraved on the wall in the room that they share, and he responds: "Is the Fairy Princess you?" Have you seen that film??

BRIGHT STAR TRAILERS:

U.S. Trailer

European Trailer

Bright Star "Fairy Princess" Clip

 

Still, the Frodo Baggins' Hobbit reference inevitably returned on several occasions... 

Around this time, Elijah Wood, the young-looking, diminuitive actor who played Frodo in The Lord of the Rings films, gave several late-night interviews, first to Craig Ferguson during which they mostly converse about places they've been, even engaging in humorous banter about visiting Florida:

Craig: Have you been to Florida?
Elijah: Uh, I have, yeah.
Craig: What's your favorite part of Florida? The tip?
Elijah: The...airport...
(laughter)
... I'm not a big Florida fan.
Craig: Really? You don't like the warm weather & old people?
Elijah: Uh, you know what? I've not spent enough time there...I've never been to Miami & I've never been to South Beach, so I think those are super...

Craig: Oh, great...

Elijah Interview with Craig Ferguson

 

So, I lamented:

"OH GREAT, FOR SURE!!! I think all hopes I had for him are now officially dashed :( And I so wanted to have a chance to become, in essence, Natalie(a) *Wood*..."

The second interview Elijah gave added a ring of truth to our jokes about me being his female match since the actor barely has time to get comfortable in his chair before Conan O'Brien launches into the subject of Elijah's apparent inability to age:

Conan: You do not age...and for a while it seemed kind of cool -- now it's just getting scary to me.
Elijah: (laughing)
Conan: (To audience) Have you noticed that this man does not age at all?
(Audience Applause)

Elijah, seemingly used to such remarks, self-deprecatingly goes along with Conan's observations, and evokes two other literary characters that he was never cast to play -- Dorian Grey and Edward Cullen (the 108-year-old vampire that is physically frozen at 17, the age he "changed"):

 Elijah: It's weird...I'm like...I'm 30, Conan.
... Conan: You're 30?
Elijah: I'm 30!
Conan: Wow.
Elijah: I freak people out constantly about this. I look like I'm 18 still, believe me, I look in the mirror every day. I try and grow my facial hair. It doesn't grow out fast enough...it's pitiful. Conan: Right. It's going to be creepy if I talk to you in 40 years and you still look exactly the same...(laughter) and I'm a skeleton. Elijah: What's that character with the picture in the attic?
Conan: Dorian Grey.
Elijah: Maybe I'm Dorian Grey...
Conan: Yeah, there's a picture of you somewhere aging...you're getting younger and younger. You might be a vampire!
Elijah: That's true. I do hang out in Venice alot...

Link: Elijah Wood Interview on Conan Video
http://teamcoco.com/video/elijah-wood-secret-look-young

Despite Elijah's impressive and light-hearted handling of the subject, Conan manages to markedly return to it again toward the end of the interview, joking:

"I just realize why you look so young -- you're cloning yourself!" 

All joking aside, though, Elijah's interview reminded me of a striking scene in the Masterpiece Theater adaptation of Charles Dickens's gorgeous novel, Little Dorrit, when the tiny, selfless heroine, Amy Dorrit, seeks work as seamstress to pay her father's insurmountable debts, and goes to interview with the intimidating Mrs. Clenham.  Upon first beholding her, Mrs. Clenham's butler exclaims:

"You're very small, ain't you!" 

Not missing a beat, Amy replies:

"Yes, sir...I am strong."

Skeptical, the butler eyes her up and down and insists:

"You look a shrimpy little thing to me."

Moments later, when Amy meets Mrs. Clenham herself, the elderly woman sits forward in her wheelchair and observes:

"Why, you're a child!"

Again, without hestitation, Amy replies:

"I'm 21, Mrs. Clenham. I know I am small, but I am quite grown up."

Little Dorrit Part 1: Amy meets Mrs. Clenham

Little Dorrit: Scenes from Episode 1

Little Amy's experience going for the interview with Mrs. Clenham captures the essence of why I identify so strongly with her character, a fact never more so apparent to me than in the past week because...

Last Saturday, October 15, I interviewed for a full-time Tenure Track English Instructor Position at the college where I currently adjunct and tutor part-time.  When I entered the interview room, I expected that the members of the hiring committee, particularly the College President who hadn't formally met me yet, would no doubt observe my small stature and youthful appearance...And, from their initial looks, I believe they did... 

But, to my own surprise -- perhaps because I expected it -- this did not seem to intimidate me, and I was able to answer their questions without wavering, just as Elijah Wood (a.k.a Frodo) and Amy Dorrit had in their interviews. 

A few days later, the College President formally offered me the position! So, I am set to begin as a full-time instructor in January! In an e-mail of congratulations, one of the committee members wrote, "Your interview was impressive, indeed."

Whether Hobbit, Fairy Princess, or Little Dorrit, it does seem that, despite appearances, I am quite grown up, after all...