I Know I am Small, But I am Quite Grown Up...

I am often reminded -- by strangers and friends alike -- how small I am, and how young I look. 

Two and a half years ago, when I visited Emily Dickinson's Homestead in Amherst, Massachussetts during a week-long writing retreat, the tour guide at the homestead singled me out to illustrate to the rest of the tourists, how tall -- or more accurately -- how small Emily Dickinson really was, standing under 5 feet, and fitting into a child's size lace housedress that she wore daily until her death at age 56.     

More recently, upon my return from England two months ago, I visited two doctors in one day -- visits that left me feeling quite "otherworldly" when they were through, half because of what was taken from me during the first appointment, and half because of what was said to me during the second, as I reflect in my Facebook status later that evening:

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This morning, I felt Edward Cullen's presence as the doctor took 6 viles of my blood for tests...and then felt Frodo Baggin's presence when, a couple hours later, another doctor told me, "Your just tiny all over!" What world am I in, praytell?

Immediately picking up on my Frodo Baggin's reference, a friend commented on my status:

You're not a hobbit trust me..You must be a fairy princess :-)

I replied:

...Just like in the John Keats movie BRIGHT STAR, when Fanny Brawne (small girl that she was) tells Keats about the Fairy Princess engraved on the wall in the room that they share, and he responds: "Is the Fairy Princess you?" Have you seen that film??

BRIGHT STAR TRAILERS:

U.S. Trailer

European Trailer

Bright Star "Fairy Princess" Clip

 

Still, the Frodo Baggins' Hobbit reference inevitably returned on several occasions... 

Around this time, Elijah Wood, the young-looking, diminuitive actor who played Frodo in The Lord of the Rings films, gave several late-night interviews, first to Craig Ferguson during which they mostly converse about places they've been, even engaging in humorous banter about visiting Florida:

Craig: Have you been to Florida?
Elijah: Uh, I have, yeah.
Craig: What's your favorite part of Florida? The tip?
Elijah: The...airport...
(laughter)
... I'm not a big Florida fan.
Craig: Really? You don't like the warm weather & old people?
Elijah: Uh, you know what? I've not spent enough time there...I've never been to Miami & I've never been to South Beach, so I think those are super...

Craig: Oh, great...

Elijah Interview with Craig Ferguson

 

So, I lamented:

"OH GREAT, FOR SURE!!! I think all hopes I had for him are now officially dashed :( And I so wanted to have a chance to become, in essence, Natalie(a) *Wood*..."

The second interview Elijah gave added a ring of truth to our jokes about me being his female match since the actor barely has time to get comfortable in his chair before Conan O'Brien launches into the subject of Elijah's apparent inability to age:

Conan: You do not age...and for a while it seemed kind of cool -- now it's just getting scary to me.
Elijah: (laughing)
Conan: (To audience) Have you noticed that this man does not age at all?
(Audience Applause)

Elijah, seemingly used to such remarks, self-deprecatingly goes along with Conan's observations, and evokes two other literary characters that he was never cast to play -- Dorian Grey and Edward Cullen (the 108-year-old vampire that is physically frozen at 17, the age he "changed"):

 Elijah: It's weird...I'm like...I'm 30, Conan.
... Conan: You're 30?
Elijah: I'm 30!
Conan: Wow.
Elijah: I freak people out constantly about this. I look like I'm 18 still, believe me, I look in the mirror every day. I try and grow my facial hair. It doesn't grow out fast enough...it's pitiful. Conan: Right. It's going to be creepy if I talk to you in 40 years and you still look exactly the same...(laughter) and I'm a skeleton. Elijah: What's that character with the picture in the attic?
Conan: Dorian Grey.
Elijah: Maybe I'm Dorian Grey...
Conan: Yeah, there's a picture of you somewhere aging...you're getting younger and younger. You might be a vampire!
Elijah: That's true. I do hang out in Venice alot...

Link: Elijah Wood Interview on Conan Video
http://teamcoco.com/video/elijah-wood-secret-look-young

Despite Elijah's impressive and light-hearted handling of the subject, Conan manages to markedly return to it again toward the end of the interview, joking:

"I just realize why you look so young -- you're cloning yourself!" 

All joking aside, though, Elijah's interview reminded me of a striking scene in the Masterpiece Theater adaptation of Charles Dickens's gorgeous novel, Little Dorrit, when the tiny, selfless heroine, Amy Dorrit, seeks work as seamstress to pay her father's insurmountable debts, and goes to interview with the intimidating Mrs. Clenham.  Upon first beholding her, Mrs. Clenham's butler exclaims:

"You're very small, ain't you!" 

Not missing a beat, Amy replies:

"Yes, sir...I am strong."

Skeptical, the butler eyes her up and down and insists:

"You look a shrimpy little thing to me."

Moments later, when Amy meets Mrs. Clenham herself, the elderly woman sits forward in her wheelchair and observes:

"Why, you're a child!"

Again, without hestitation, Amy replies:

"I'm 21, Mrs. Clenham. I know I am small, but I am quite grown up."

Little Dorrit Part 1: Amy meets Mrs. Clenham

Little Dorrit: Scenes from Episode 1

Little Amy's experience going for the interview with Mrs. Clenham captures the essence of why I identify so strongly with her character, a fact never more so apparent to me than in the past week because...

Last Saturday, October 15, I interviewed for a full-time Tenure Track English Instructor Position at the college where I currently adjunct and tutor part-time.  When I entered the interview room, I expected that the members of the hiring committee, particularly the College President who hadn't formally met me yet, would no doubt observe my small stature and youthful appearance...And, from their initial looks, I believe they did... 

But, to my own surprise -- perhaps because I expected it -- this did not seem to intimidate me, and I was able to answer their questions without wavering, just as Elijah Wood (a.k.a Frodo) and Amy Dorrit had in their interviews. 

A few days later, the College President formally offered me the position! So, I am set to begin as a full-time instructor in January! In an e-mail of congratulations, one of the committee members wrote, "Your interview was impressive, indeed."

Whether Hobbit, Fairy Princess, or Little Dorrit, it does seem that, despite appearances, I am quite grown up, after all...

ABBIAMO VINTO, CARA AMANDA!

Today, after spending 4 excruciating years behind bars in Perugia, Italy, and with the unbearable prospect of spending the rest of their lives locked up for a heinous crime they did not commit, Amanda Knox, and her former boyfriend, Rafaelle Sollecito, were at last acquitted and set free by an Italian appeals court which, in their decision overturning the convictions, vehemently repudiated the prosecution's baseless, slanderous, and malicious accusations against the innocent Amanda and Rafaelle that threatened to destroy their lives. 

My mother, sister, and I have been emotionally invested in this case from the beginning -- first, because of our Italian roots (my father was raised and spent much of his adult life there, and my mother still has family who live there) and because the event took place in Perugia, where Jennie and I -- like Amanda -- went to study Italian at the Universita' per Stranieri during our first years in college at Bryn Mawr. Somewhat forebodingly, at the urging of our mother, Jennie and I left Perugia after only a couple of weeks, and instead, spent the remainder of our summer abroad in our father's hometown of Riva Del Garda at the base of the Dolomite Mountains in Northern Italy.    

Like most who heard about the brutal murder of Meredith Kercher in late 2007, and subsequently the strange behavior of the young couple who were seen comforting each other outside the apartment Amanda and Meredith shared, we were initially taken in by the sensational reports that were coming from Italy, which portrayed Amanda and Rafaelle as something more sinister than young lovers.  But, as we followed the case more closely, and learned about Amanda's merciless and coercive 48 hour nonstop interrogation by the Perugian police, in which she was was asked by investigators to, in effect, imagine a scenario in which she were present inside the apartment as the crime was taking place, as well as about the ruthless and corrupt prosecutor named Guiliano Mannini who had a decades' long history of building prosecutorial cases against innocent defendants who had nothing whatsoever to do with the crimes they were accused of committing, we soon became absolutely convinced that neither Amanda nor her co-defendant, Rafaelle, were remotely connected in any way to the killing. 

Our belief in their innocence was further confirmed by the fact that none of Amanda or Raffaele's DNA were found anywhere in the room where Meredith lost her life, and that another man, a drifter named Rudy Guede, who attempted to flee to Germany after the murder, was shortly thereafter apprehended and convicted of the crime since his DNA was found all over the room where Meredith was killed.  Furthermore, the unwavering loyality and determination of Amanda's family and friends through her arrest, to her conviction, and finally throughout her appeal, firmly testified to the fact that a girl raised and beloved by such a close-knit, generous group of people could never have even conceived of killing an insect -- let alone another young woman who was, by all accounts, not only her roommate, but her friend. 

Still, prosecutor Mannini (despite being himself indicted on corruption charges during Amanda's first trial) with the inital aid of the Italian media throughout the first trial, deliberately ignored the blaring lack of evidence and set out to paint Amanda and Rafaelle as deplorable human beings deserving of a life sentence, complete with months upon years of daytime solitary confinement.  Mannini's perverse pleasure in prosecuting the two young people (going so far as to say, "Lucky for Amanda, we don't have the death penalty in Italy!'') and sending them away for the rest of their lives, rather than admitting his own mistakes, combined with the Italian media's sensational coverage of the original trial which depicted Amanda as wild and promiscous, and lead to the unjust conviction of both her and Rafaelle two years ago, made us lose faith in our ancestrial homeland.  We were crushed by the news late in 2009 that Amanda and Raffaele had been found guilty and sentenced to 26 years in prison. 

But today, following an emotional, and at times painful, 10 minute statement from Amanda in which she articulated in fluent Italian throuh tears and short breaths that she "insists on the truth -- that she and Rafaelle are innocent -- a truth which must be recognized and defended," and following another equally compelling statement from Rafaelle, in which he declared that "Amanda is a sweet, beautiful, and shining person" and pleaded with the judges to set them free, our devastation, and, more pressingly, the devastation and torment endured by Amanda, Rafaelle, and their respective families, came to a just end. 

While we still mourn for the senseless loss of Meredith Kercher for whom justice would not have been served had two more innocent young people's lives been stolen from them, and our thoughts and prayers go out to her family who will never have a chance to bring their daughter home, we are so grateful and overwhelmed with joy at this vindicating outcome for Amanda and Rafaelle. We pray that Amanda can now return to her life in peace and that she can enjoy every moment of her newfound freedom with her family back home in Seattle. 

First, though, Amanda needs to take care of herself -- start eating and sleeping again, and perhaps see a doctor to be checked for her physical health -- because she looks truly ghostly and worn out. She needs to feel the grass under her feet (as she told her father in the days leading up to this decision), the sun on her pale face, and recuperate at home with her loved ones. She needs to step "outside the window," so to speak, and rediscover the hope for life she once had before her self-described "suffering" began on that dreadful day in November 2007.   I pray that God will bless her in her recovery.

ABBIAMO VINTO, CARA AMANDA!!


Chronicle of Video Segment Links:

Today Show Report on Amanda's Plea to the Court:
http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/21134540/vp/44754352#44754352

Corriere Della Sera: Amanda's Full Statement to the Court:
http://video.corriere.it/dichiarazioni-amanda/90c39d46-eda7-11e0-8721-690dea02417b

Corriere Della Sera: Rafaelle's Full Statement to the Court:
http://video.corriere.it/dichiarazioni-spontanee-raffaele/b1955b40-eda2-11e0-8721-690dea02417b

CNN Translation of Amanda's Full Statement to the Court:
http://www.cnn.com/video/?/video/world/2011/10/03/knox-sot-full-statement.cnn

MSNBC: Amanda and Rafaelle's Conviction is Overturned
http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/21134540/vp/44762140#44762140

MSNBC: Interview with Amanda's Italian Lawyer after Ruling
http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/21134540/vp/44769088#44769088



Full Press Conference of Amanda's U.S. Return:

CNN Video --
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SvB3LHz8_mM


3News --
http://www.3news.co.nz/Full-press-conference-Amanda-Knox-returns-to-US-thanks-


CNN: Amanda's Parents Speak at Press Conference
http://www.cnn.com/video/?/video/bestoftv/2011/10/04/ac-knox-arrival-parents.cnn#/video/bestoftv/2011/10/04/ac-knox-arrival-parents.cnn


CNN: Amanda Speaks at Press Conference
 http://www.cnn.com/video/?/video/us/2011/10/04/sot-wa-amanda-knox-arrival.cnn#/video/us/2011/10/04/sot-wa-amanda-knox-arrival.cnn

CBS 48 Hours Mystery -- Amanda Knox: The Untold Story
http://www.cbsnews.com/video/watch/?id=7383976n&tag=contentMain;contentAux

CBS 48 Hours Mystery Extra -- Curt Knox Interview
http://www.cbsnews.com/video/watch/?id=7383954n&tag=segementExtraScroller;housing


NBC Today: Why the Court Cleared Amanda Knox
http://worldnews.msnbc.msn.com/_news/2011/12/15/9470253-revealed-why-court-cleared-amanda-knox#.TyDcNELvhtQ.facebook


Print News/Opinion Stories Links:

The New York Times: Amanda Knox Freed after Appeal
http://www.nytimes.com/2011/10/04/world/europe/amanda-knox-defends-herself-in-italian-court.html?_r=1&hp

The New York Times: Lessons from the Amanda Knox Case
http://opinionator.blogs.nytimes.com/2011/10/03/justice-in-perugia/